Osama bin Laden at the Pearly Gates

Osama bin Laden died and went to heaven. George Washington, Patrick Henry, James Madison, John Randolph, George Mason, James Monroe and Thomas Jefferson were all waiting for him. As Osama approached the pearly gates, they grabbed him, tied him up, tarred and feathered him, dragged him away and tossed him into Hell.

As he burned in Hell, Osama cried out to God, "This isn't what I was promised!"

And God replied, "I warned you there would be seven teed Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I was talking about?"

Waiting for Judgement

A man died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgement. As he waited he noticed that some souls were sent through a pair of golden gates. Others were handed over to Satan, who threw them into a pit. Each time he through in another soul, the fires of hell belched forth from the pit for a moment. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.

After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. He strolled over and asked Satan, "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness. I'm waiting for my judgement and I couldn't help but wonder why you're tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of Hell with the others?"

"Ah, those." said Satan, groaning. "Those ones are from Seattle. They're not dry enough to burn yet."